Having a strong personality can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can make you confident, assertive, and effective in your communication. On the other hand, it can also come off as intimidating, confrontational, and unapproachable to others. If you feel like you’re scaring people off because of your strong personality, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate your behavior. Here are 10 signs that you may be scaring people off because of your strong personality.
1. You dominate conversations
Do you find yourself talking over people, interrupting them, or monopolizing conversations? This behavior can make others feel like they’re not being heard or valued. As author and leadership expert John C. Maxwell writes in his book, “Leadership Gold,” “Good leaders know how to communicate and listen effectively. They don’t dominate the conversation but facilitate it, encouraging others to speak up and share their thoughts.”
2. You don’t consider other perspectives
Do you dismiss others’ opinions or ideas without considering them? This can make people feel invalidated and dismissed. As author and psychologist Adam Grant writes in his book, “Give and Take,” “The most successful givers are those who also score high on taking. They’re assertive in advocating for their own interests and asking for help when they need it.”
3. You come on too strong
Do you tend to be forceful, intense, or overwhelming in your interactions? This can make people feel like they’re being pushed or bullied. As author and communication expert Susan Scott writes in her book, “Fierce Conversations,” “We tend to see the world not as it is but as we are. If we’re not aware of our own intensity, we can easily turn up the volume and make people feel uncomfortable.”
4. You don’t show vulnerability
Do you keep your guard up and avoid showing your emotions or weaknesses? This can make people feel like you’re unapproachable or unrelatable. As author and researcher Brené Brown writes in her book, “Daring Greatly,” “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. To create is to make something that has never existed before. There’s nothing more vulnerable than that.”
5. You don’t listen
Do you tune out or ignore others when they’re speaking? This can make people feel like you’re not interested in what they have to say. As author and entrepreneur Tim Ferriss writes in his book, “The 4-Hour Work Week,” “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
6. You criticize too much
Do you find yourself nitpicking or finding fault with others’ work or behavior? This can make people feel like they’re not good enough or valued. As author and leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith writes in his book, “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There,” “Great leaders are great at giving positive feedback. They recognize and reward good work, and they do it often.”
7. You’re always right
Do you refuse to admit when you’re wrong or accept feedback from others? This can make people feel like you’re stubborn or inflexible. As author and organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich writes in her book, “Insight,” “The single biggest reason we resist feedback is that we’re convinced that we’re already self-aware enough.”
8. You don’t give credit
Do you take credit for others’ work or dismiss their contributions? This can make people feel like you’re not a team player or don’t value their efforts. As author and leadership expert Simon Sinek writes in his book, “Leaders Eat Last,” “Great leaders are willing to sacrifice their own interests for the good of the team.
9. You’re too competitive
Do you always have to win or come out on top? This can make people feel like you’re not interested in collaboration or teamwork. As author and psychologist Carol S. Dweck writes in her book, “Mindset,” “The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset.”
10. You don’t apologize
Do you refuse to apologize when you make a mistake or hurt someone’s feelings? This can make people feel like you’re not accountable or responsible for your actions. As author and communication expert Julia Ticona writes, “The ability to apologize gracefully is a critical component of effective communication. It demonstrates emotional intelligence, respect for others, and a willingness to learn and grow.”
If you recognize any of these signs in your behavior, don’t worry. Awareness is the first step toward change. Here are some tips for how to adjust your behavior and become more approachable and effective in your communication:
1. Listen more than you talk
Practice active listening by giving others your full attention and responding with empathy and curiosity. As author and communication expert Julian Treasure writes in his book, “How to Be Heard,” “Good listening is about making the other person feel heard, understood, and valued.”
2. Ask questions
Encourage others to share their perspectives and ideas by asking open-ended questions. As author and leadership coach Michael Bungay Stanier writes in his book, “The Coaching Habit,” “The first key to being more coach-like is to ask more questions and give less advice.”
3. Show vulnerability
Be willing to share your emotions and admit your mistakes. This can create a sense of trust and authenticity in your relationships. As Brené Brown writes, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
4. Offer praise and recognition
Acknowledge others’ contributions and celebrate their successes. As Marshall Goldsmith writes, “The key to great leadership is not in getting people to do what you want, but in giving them the recognition and rewards they deserve.”
5. Collaborate and compromise
Be willing to work with others and find solutions that meet everyone’s needs. As Carol Dweck writes, “The growth mindset is about collaboration and cooperation, not just competition.”
6. Apologize and make amends
When you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions and offer a sincere apology. As Julia Ticona writes, “Apologizing is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and character.”
In conclusion, having a strong personality can be a valuable asset in many aspects of life, but it can also be a barrier to effective communication and positive relationships. If you recognize any of the signs that you may be scaring people off, take steps to adjust your behavior and become more approachable, empathetic, and collaborative. With practice and patience, you can develop the skills and mindset to become a more effective communicator and leader. As John C. Maxwell writes, “Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge.”